One of the most aggravating things someone like me can endure is the constant demise of the English language, brought about by the introduction and acceptance of modern slang by mainstream culture. Every time I turn on the TV or watch a movie, I’m reminded that writers pander to the masses, and the masses are slang-slinging idiots.

I can accept slang as part of every day life, in moderation, but somehow it became gauche to speak properly. Now slang has run rampant and become the predominant element of communication. Well, excuse me for my sentence structure and proper use of words actually found in a dictionary.

I’m not saying that I’m completely above it. I have been known to utter slang in brief moments of verbal diarrhea, or in my habitual use of the word “dude” – which I’ve made a valiant effort to abate using it, or even when making a joke in the imitation of slang-slinging simians. I am not perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. That is why I have a tolerance for slang. Do not mistake this for an acceptance, however.

You may be wondering what inspired this post. What could have happened that sparked this outburst? Let me explain.

I’ve recently started watching the Starz series Crash. After having seen the movie back in 2004, I found out that it was originally written to be a TV series. So, when the series was announced, I was quite excited to see what would be done with the story. Unfortunately, Crash airs Friday nights, and I’m almost always working then. I had to catch up on the previous episodes, which led me to watching the first five episodes over this weekend, and then watching the sixth episode earlier today. The sixth episode is what got to me.

For those of you who have not watched the sixth episode, or any other episode of the series, please do not let the following text deter you. Truthfully, I’m enjoying the show, but the dialogue from a single scene is so terrible that I had to post it. I’ve tried to get the text right, so I’ve written it the way it was spoken. The dialogue is between Anthony and his friend Kief^? and is as follows:

Keif: I know you fillin’ it. You was out here makin’ dat guap. Drivin’ limos and hangin’ wit rappers and shit.

Anthony: Yeah, it would have been the bomb job if our boy hadn’t nutted up.

Keif: He ain’t no imigrant, is he?

Anthony: Whatchu talkin ’bout fool?

Keif: I’m sayin’. We need to go out there and gank this fool for the ched he owe you. You wantcho bread, homie, you gotta take it.

Anthony: Hell naw, man. We can’t do that.

Keif: Why not? You said he was paid!

Anthony: He is, man.

Keif: You said he got so much bread, man, stashed in jelly jars all around his crib, he don’t know how much he got. We already in the car. Let’s just roll over there and see what’s good.

Anthony: You mean case the joint?

Keif: Shit. If it’s gravy, we on. And if it’s not, den we jus chill. Dude, you don’t owe Ben. He owe you! What about those masters? He prolly done sold dem mo’ fuckus.

Anthony: Man, look. Nigga, you don’t think the cops gonna suspect the disgruntled black employee? Come on, man.

Keif: Man, we can go over yo’ uncle shop right afterward. It’s the perfect alibi. Nigga, you forget. Ben Cendars owe you!

Really? What the fuck just happened?