Sex Drive
UNRATED DVD

Have you ever bought the UNRATED version of a DVD, only to be disappointed that there was only 7 seconds of extra footage and the UNRATED part was the addition of an extra curse word in a scene that wasn’t needed?

I thought Sex Drive was going to be another one of those UNRATED “buy this DVD” promotion just to suck in extra sales, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that it’s not!

The unrated version boasts an extra 20 minutes of footage, and includes an introduction by director Sean Anders and producer John Morris – who also both co-wrote the screenplay – which warns viewers to watch the theatrical version of the movie before watching the unrated version. The unrated version contains outtakes that only fans of the theatrical version would enjoy, as well as a plethora of additional nudity – most of which is unnecessary and guarantees certain scenes are ruined – and dubbing of some audio to put some of the scenes over-the-top of traditional R-Rated films. Telling someone to fuck you (meaningless sex) is R-Rated. Telling someone to “sport-fuck” you is just over the top.

Do not consider this a review. I already reviewed Sex Drive here, and I enjoyed it. Seeing the unrated version is just a bonus for me. I can say, in my opinion, that people who liked the theatrical version – and I mean really liked it – will probably like the unrated version. You get more Seth Green, more Randy and Andy quotes, and more nudity than anyone should be comfortable with. The bonus: None of the extras matter! The movie is the same, the story is the same, the cast is the same (although you get to see some of the crew), and it ends the same way. You’re just more likely to get an extra laugh out of it.

Here’s an outtake which was added to the unrated version. I laughed my ass off.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Every war has a beginning.

Plot: The prequel of the series, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans tells the story of the first Lycan half-breeds and the start of the war between Lycans and Vampires. Lycans were bred as slaves and day protectors of Vampires, until Lucian (Michael Sheen, Underworld), a well-trusted Lycan, leads a revolt against the Vampire captors. With the help of Sonja (Rhona Mitra, Doomsday), Vampire princess and daughter of Viktor (Bill Nighy, Underworld & Underworld 2), Lucian’s revolt against the Vampires becomes the start of the war between the two races.

When it comes down to it, Underworld 3 has simply retold a more detailed version of the story presented in Underworld. If you’ve seen Underworld, then you know the story of Underworld 3. TV spots, based on a single critic’s review, claim that Underworld 3 is the best of the series. I wouldn’t go that far. It would be more accurate to say “Underworld 3 is a movie in the Underworld series.” It was a great addition, but it wasn’t the best.

Underworld 3 had all of the elements of the previous movies: gore, violence, action, Vampires, Lycans, a sexy young Vampire in love with the enemy. Unfortunately, it was lacking something key that the previous two had: an original story. Since Underworld 3 is a prequel, you can almost forgive this flaw. However, it’s a prequel that you already know the exact story, since they told you the story in the first one! I think, given the extra detail you get from having an entire movie made from a story that comprised less than 10 minutes of Underworld, this can be forgiven, too.

The big problem I had with the movie was that I was bored, because I already knew what was going to happen. Maybe not exactly what was going to happen, but close enough to be left wanting. The action sequences were great, but – like most American action movies – the camera was too close to the action and it leaves you missing the big picture. Sure, you can see the arms flailing with hands holding swords, and yes, you can hear the contact of blade against blade, but what you’re missing is the flow of the action. Movement starts at the feet and legs, and extends through the torso and arms. Why don’t filmmakers let us see that? If you’re going to spend all the time and money on fight choreography, don’t you think you should show us what you paid for?

I think anyone that enjoyed the first two Underworld movies will enjoy this addition, but don’t go see Underworld 3 with expectations of seeing something new. It’s still Vampires fighting Lycans, and it’s still the same story, and you should expect as much. I enjoyed it, but as I’ve been told before (time and time again), I’m a sick son-of-a-bitch. Get some.

Inkheart
Every story ever written is just waiting to become real.

Okay. I’m a few weeks behind on my reviews, but I can’t say this movie was worth a review to begin with. Inkheart wasn’t a bad movie, but that does not mean that it was a good one, either.

Plot: Brendan Fraser (of the Mummy franchise) plays the silvertongue, Mo Folchart, who is able to summon things from books just by reading them aloud. However, Mo has no control over what comes out of the book he is reading, and there is the unfortunate trade that is required. When something is read out of a book, be it an object or a character, something – or someone – must enter the book. When Mo begins reading Inkheart to his daughter, Meggie (Eliza Bennett, Nanny McPhee), not knowing his special abilities, his wife is drawn into the book and three Inkworld characters are read out: The villain Capricorn (Andy Serkis, The Cottage),  the evil Basta (Jamie Foreman, Botched) and the fire eater Dustfinger (Paul Bettany, The Da Vinci Code). Now, 10 years later, Mo – with Meggie in tow – is searching for another copy of Inkheart so he may read his wife back out of the book.

As far as movies based on books go, either Inkheart did not follow the book closely, or the book sucks out loud. While the cast did an excellent job doing what they do, acting, the story was so thin in some places that anything could have been thrown in and it would have made it a better movie. I don’t recommend this movie, but if you do watch it, don’t bitch about it not making sense. You’ve been warned.

My Bloody Valentine 3D
Get your heart broken

I was very excited when we got our digital print in early enough on Wednesday to get it loaded up and cued for screening. I was even more excited when I started watching the movie, and the 3D was the best I have ever seen.

Plot: Ten years after the massacre that claimed the lives of several of his friends and classmates, Tom (Jensen Ackles, Supernatural) returns to his hometown to sell the family mine. Soon after his return, people begin dying – apparent victims of the murderous miner Harry Warden. Except Harry Warden has been dead for ten years. Tom becomes suspect number one, and the only one who believes that he is innocent is his former high school sweetheart, Sarah (Jaime King, Sin City), who is now married to the town sheriff, Axel (Kerr Smith, Dawson’s Creek). My Bloody Valentine 3D is a remake of the 1981 film.

You can view the trailer here.

While the story was total rubbish, no one is going to see a horror movie of this magnitude for the story. People are going so they can see the murder, gore, and thrills. My Bloody Valentine 3D has murder, gore and thrills in spades. However, don’t just watch My Bloody Valentine in 2D. To experience the full quality of this movie, you have to see the 3D version.

For those who say they don’t like 3D movies, or the experiences they have had with previous 3D films makes them never want to watch another one, you will not be disappointed by going to see this movie. I recommend calling ahead to your local theatre and asking if they use digital projection with RealD. If they do, GO SEE THIS MOVIE! The 3D is in full color, and uses special technology to present the 3D with full depth and clarity. Jump scenes, where things fly out at you, are really just that. They will make you jump. If you’ve never experienced a pick-axe to the face, now is your chance – and it’s really the only safe way to experience it.

Also, as a special note, if you notice that the movie looks better with the glasses upside down, inform someone from management that the polarity is reversed and projection should flip the polarity switch on the back of the RealD processor. It will save you the headache, and it will look a thousand times better.

Just Buried
A (very) dark comedy about sex, greed and death.

This is going to be a really, really brief review, so no trailer here. You can see the trailer here.

Just Buried is a dark comedy centered around the inheritance of a funeral home by the owner’s estranged son, and the death and sex that surround it.

When Oliver (Jay Baruchel, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist) inherits a failing funeral home, he falls in love with the young mortician Roberta (Rose Byrne, 28 Weeks Later) and they scheme to keep the funeral home from going under. The best way to get more business is to create more business.

While the story could have used a little more work, the direction was outstanding. The humor was indeed dark, and the plot played out perfectly. If you’re in the mood for a dark comedy, and you get a chance to watch this movie – which is available on DVD on 01.27.09 – treat yourself to Just Buried.

Seven Pounds
Seven names.
Seven strangers.
One secret.

I’m trying to get a few movie reviews done, so I’m skipping the trailers. If you want to view the trailer for Seven Pounds, you can catch it here.

I know I’m a little behind on this one, but I finally got to watch it and I have to say wow.

I absolutely loved The Pursuit of Happyness, so seeing Will Smith team up with Gabriele Muccino again was fantastic. Seven Pounds is definitely worth watching. It would appear that Gabriele Muccino has found his niche and can bring out the best dramatic personality in Will Smith.

I’m going to try to summarize the plot of the movie without spoiling anything, so here we go.

Will Smith plays Tim Thomas, a man who has assumed the identity of his IRS agent brother, Ben Thomas, in an effort to atone for his past sins. Tim was once a successful MIT graduate, but was responsible for an accident that killed seven others. Now, as Ben, Tim is determined to give penance – a pound of flesh for each of his sins – by drastically changing the lives of seven strangers.

When Ben falls in love with one of the people he’s trying to help, Rosario Dawson as Emily Posa, things get complicated.

As a drama, this movie has it all: romance, tragedy, the human condition. There are some laughs to be had, but they are kept in the closet as the story unfolds. In the end, seven pounds of flesh are given, and seven lives are changed forever. Watch this movie and learn what it means to atone for your sins.

The Unborn
Evil Will Do Anything to Live

I’m not going to add the trailer for this one, because I just want to do a quick review. You can see the trailer here if you really want to.

Now… As I was watching the trailer myself, I thought it was going to be another one of those teen horror movies that has no horror to it and really bad acting. Then, two things popped out at me. First, Gary Oldman was credited for the movie. Awesome. Then, David S. Goyer – the co-writer of The Dark Knight – was also credited as writer and director for this movie. Well, I really liked The Dark Knight, so how bad could the writing be for The Unborn? I decided to screen it.

I’m kicking myself for both reasons I rationalized watching this movie. I wish I could un-watch The Unborn.

Gary Oldman must have been high or drunk when he picked up this role, since he didn’t play much of a part in the movie. He’s a rabbi who is asked to perform an exorcism on a girl who is being haunted, not possessed, by a “demon” which was actually a human soul that was denied entrance to heaven so it turned evil. Wait. What?

And now that I look back on it, I really should have checked out what David S. Goyer had under his belt before TDK. As a writer, it would have appeared to be a promising story. However, most of Goyer’s best written movies are actually based on other written things. Blade was based on the comic character, Dark City was already well written (as well as well directed) by Alex Proyas, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight were both co-written and based on a comic character, and Jumper was based on a novel. As a director, Goyer is responsible for ZigZag, Blade: Trinity, and The Invisible. I never watched ZigZag, so I can’t say anything about it, but Blade: Trinity was the worst of the trilogy, and The Invisible was not good – which is partly because the story was not good either, but I think more could have been done by Goyer to make it work.

Overall, The Unborn gets annoying very quickly, both with it’s horrendous acting and crap jump-scare scenes. It was not a true horror movie, since it turned out to be one of those teen movies, and the story didn’t make sense if you thought about it for a second. However, most sheeple will see it and not think anything of the story, since they’re just there to see the teen horror part of the movie.

Also, someone should tell Meagan Good to stop doing horror movies. Actually, she should stop doing movies until she finds a character she’s good at playing. Her best roll was in Stomp the Yard as the love interest, but the movie was terrible so it doesn’t matter how good she was.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

I had my choice as to which movie I was going to screen last night, and I had to choose from Nothing Like the Holidays, Delgo, and The Day the Earth Stood Still. I thought I was picking the shiniest turd in the toilet bowl, but I’m sure I was wrong now.

As great as an “end of the world” movie staring Keanu Reeves sounds, I was left more disappointed than I thought I would be.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a remake of the 1951 movie of the same name, which was based on the short story Farewell to the Master by Harry Bates. While I haven’t seen the 1951 version, I have read the short story. This modern version focuses less on the self-destructive nature of humans, and instead focuses on the destructive nature of mankind towards all other things – namely the environment and other life forms.

For being a main character, Keanu Reeves did not have much screen time. The story seemed to revolve mostly around Jennifer Connelly’s character Helen. While the acting in the movie left a lot to be desired, it was the CGI that really killed this movie.

The swarm that is seen in the trailer is a collective of insects that destroy and assimilate everything in its path. Unfortunately, they make it a point to repeatedly show you that it is a swarm of insects by zooming in on a few individuals, and the individual insects looked like crap. The spheres look like low-res cloud and fiber motion renderings that shoot god beams everywhere. They even used a CGI rendering of a Keanu stand-in to show the “birth” of Klaatu in his human body. Whatever happened to actors getting covered in slime to do a scene, instead of getting a virtual actor to get covered in slime in a CGI rendering of a scene?

I didn’t completely hate the movie. I just didn’t like the story, the acting, the effects, or the script. I thought the underlying plot was good. The execution was lacking, but that can be blamed on all of the things I already mentioned. The movie felt like a CGI laden version of The Happening, which made it bad.

The movie, based on the novel “The Boy In the Striped Pyjamas” by John Boyne, tells the story of Bruno (Asa Butterfield, Son of Rambow), the eight-year-old son of a Nazi commander. When Bruno’s father (David Thewlis, Harry Potter) is promoted to head a “farm” (Auschwitz, though it’s never directly identified), Bruno befriends a Jewish boy named Shmuel (Jack Scanlon), a prisoner of the work camp. While his father carries out his duties, Bruno’s sister Gretel (Amber Beattie, Empathy) becomes further influenced by Nazi propaganda, and his mother (Vera Farminga, The Departed) works to shelter Bruno from his father’s true position and responsibility in Hitler’s Germany.

This movie was one of the best films I’ve seen all year. As a pure drama, no stone was left unturned as Bruno’s curiosity an innocence were explored. David Thewlis gave an incredible performance as a Nazi commander trying to do what he believed was best for his family and his country. Vera Farminga was stunning as the maternal figure, faced with protecting her son from the extremist force of Nazi propaganda, even as her daughter becomes a poster child of Nazi support. Not enough can be said of Asa Butterfield and Jack Scanlon. Both children did an outstanding job of just being children, oblivious of the danger they faced by being friends.

If you’re in the mood for a drama, and a movie involving the holocaust does not make you uncomfortable, then I highly recommend seeing The Boy In the Striped Pajamas.

NOTE: The original title is The Boy In the Striped Pyjamas for people not in the US.

Role Models
Danny and Wheeler were just sentenced to 150 hours mentoring kids.
Worst idea ever.

This is going to be a rather short review, as I have to leave for work in a few minutes, but I wanted to get this written.

I wanted to see Role Models after I watched the red band trailer, and now – having seen the movie – I can say that it wasn’t as funny as I expected, but it was definitely funny.

The teaming of Seann William Scott and Paul Rudd was perfect, and the choice for the kids was great, but the movie seemed like a comedic drama instead of a comedy. It had all of the base ingredients of a Judd Apatow comedy, but the recipe wasn’t quite right. It just proves that you can imitate, but you can’t replicate.

So, here’s the quick summary: Danny (Paul) and Wheeler (Seann) work for an energy drink company, promoting their energy drink at schools while telling kids to stay off of drugs. An incident forces the two into 150 hours of community service, to be carried out at Sturdy Wings – a Big Brother / Big Sister type organization. Each is assigned a very special kid with their own special problems, and hijinx ensue.

Overall, I would watch the movie again, but I don’t think I missed anything from the first viewing, so I don’t expect any extra laughs.