The following question was posted under Women’s Heath. I sorted the responses, so top rated answer for this gem of a question is just below the question.

Steamy Vagina

Vince from ShamWow

Well, he’s back. Vince, from the ShamWow commercials, is now pitching the Slap Chop.

Unfortunately for everyone, this commercial is even more annoying than the ShamWow commercial.

I don’t even know where to begin to bitch about this commercial. You’ll have to see it for yourself to understand how truly bad it is. I’m going to break my rule for this post, because I’d hate to waste my bandwidth on posting this commercial, so here’s the commercial embedded from YouTube.

Not only are you going to love his nuts, the Graty (horrible spelling for a horrible item) cheese grater is great for making freduccini. Whatever the fuck that is. Am I mistaken, or is the “tuna” he uses actually cat food?

On a side note, I found a parody ShamWow commercial when I was looking for the Slap Chop commercial, so here it is. It’s awesome.

I came across an image on another site, which was a screen cap of a question asked in the Decorating & Remodeling section of Yahoo! Answers, and I laughed so hard that I decided to see the question for myself.

A quick Google search led me right to the question.

The question asked was “What is a meat curtain?“

I’m not even joking. No photoshop. You can view the question page here.

I can almost understand not knowing what a meat curtain is, or what it means when the carpet (or rug) and the drapes don’t match, but why would your first step be to ask people on Yahoo! Answers? Do the right thing and Google it first, just like everyone else on earth.

Vince from ShamWow

I cannot be the only one that wants to shoot that ShamWow guy, Vince, in the face.

I’m so sick of seeing and hearing the commercials on TV, and I really wish someone would find this guy at a ShamWow demonstration tent and hit him in the face. With a hammer.

If it weren’t for Vince, I think I might consider buying a ShamWow, but this annoying ass-goblin sells it like he’s trying to sell his own mother. My favorite line is when he says “It’s made in Germany. You know the Germans always make good stuff.” Like Adolf Hitler and Nazis. Idiot.

I think I would be more open to buying a ShamWow if the commercial actually went something like this:

Yes, it is a fucking ShamWow!

It looks like Boost Mobile is continuing its trend of shit commercials that annoy the hell out of me. This time, they’ve chosen to change it up and offer a duo of commercials starring Georgie, a play on George Washington and the dollar bill. Now, instead of Boost Mobile being the hip choice, Boost Mobile is selling itself as the cheap choice in cellular service.

The only positive thing I can say about the new ad campaign is that they seem to have dropped the Where You At? slogan. At least for now.

Everything else I can say is negative. I watched a behind-the-scenes video on the Georgie ad campaign and I was not impressed. You can’t have George Washington spew slang to push the great value of a dollar in the new pricing plans and expect to sell me on it. To start, Georgie sounds mentally challenged. He’s trying to rap, but he sounds like a douche trying to make himself seem more important than he actually is. To top it off, these commercials play as often as any other Boost Mobile commercial has ever played, so it repeatedly violates my eardrums. I have to wonder how much money Boost Mobile is pushing into these ad campaigns and what the return rate is.

Here’s an analogy for you: Georgie is to George Washington as Kanye West is to Elvis Presley.

If I only had $30 each month to spend on a cell phone and Boost Mobile was the only provider with a plan I could afford, I would only have a cell phone every other month because I would use two months of cell phone savings to pay for a single month of another provider.

I just realized something. Boost Mobile is abbreviated BM. So is bowel movement. That’s pure summary right there.

It really irks me to see people reply to a post and ask a stupid question because they didn’t read the entire post before replying. The question being asked is totally off subject of the post. What I have just read is an example, which I have posted below.

Wouldn’t it have helped the person replying to simply read the full post, and know that the poster was asking if each project could be updated with new episodes, instead of just adding new projects.

Maybe I have an uncanny ability to read and comprehend.

Pushing Daisies

It has been confirmed by Brian Fuller via Kristin Dos Santos that death has become Pushing Daisies.

Via E!Online:

According to Fuller, the facts are these: “It’s very likely that Pushing Daisies will end after episode 13, which as you know, is a cliffhanger. But we are talking to DC Comics about doing comic books that will wrap up our storylines, and I already have a pitch for a [big-screen] movie ready to go.”

ABC intends to air the remaining Daisies episodes that have been shot, either in the current Wednesday at 8 p.m. timeslot or in another spot.

Damn you, ABC!

I can accept slang as part of every day life, in moderation, but somehow it became gauche to speak properly. Now slang has run rampant and become the predominant element of communication. Well, excuse me for my sentence structure and proper use of words actually found in a dictionary.

I’m not saying that I’m completely above it. I have been known to utter slang in brief moments of verbal diarrhea, or in my habitual use of the word “dude” – which I’ve made a valiant effort to abate using it, or even when making a joke in the imitation of slang-slinging simians. I am not perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. That is why I have a tolerance for slang. Do not mistake this for an acceptance, however.

You may be wondering what inspired this post. What could have happened that sparked this outburst? Let me explain.

I’ve recently started watching the Starz series Crash. After having seen the movie back in 2004, I found out that it was originally written to be a TV series. So, when the series was announced, I was quite excited to see what would be done with the story. Unfortunately, Crash airs Friday nights, and I’m almost always working then. I had to catch up on the previous episodes, which led me to watching the first five episodes over this weekend, and then watching the sixth episode earlier today. The sixth episode is what got to me.

For those of you who have not watched the sixth episode, or any other episode of the series, please do not let the following text deter you. Truthfully, I’m enjoying the show, but the dialogue from a single scene is so terrible that I had to post it. I’ve tried to get the text right, so I’ve written it the way it was spoken. The dialogue is between Anthony and his friend Kief^? and is as follows:

Keif: I know you fillin’ it. You was out here makin’ dat guap. Drivin’ limos and hangin’ wit rappers and shit.

Anthony: Yeah, it would have been the bomb job if our boy hadn’t nutted up.

Keif: He ain’t no imigrant, is he?

Anthony: Whatchu talkin ’bout fool?

Keif: I’m sayin’. We need to go out there and gank this fool for the ched he owe you. You wantcho bread, homie, you gotta take it.

Anthony: Hell naw, man. We can’t do that.

Keif: Why not? You said he was paid!

Anthony: He is, man.

Keif: You said he got so much bread, man, stashed in jelly jars all around his crib, he don’t know how much he got. We already in the car. Let’s just roll over there and see what’s good.

Anthony: You mean case the joint?

Keif: Shit. If it’s gravy, we on. And if it’s not, den we jus chill. Dude, you don’t owe Ben. He owe you! What about those masters? He prolly done sold dem mo’ fuckus.

Anthony: Man, look. Nigga, you don’t think the cops gonna suspect the disgruntled black employee? Come on, man.

Keif: Man, we can go over yo’ uncle shop right afterward. It’s the perfect alibi. Nigga, you forget. Ben Cendars owe you!

Really? What the fuck just happened?

Paramount’s new anti-piracy measures revolve around fucking with the soundtrack of the 35mm film, so the normal digital audio switches to analog. Essentially what this means is, since analog soundheads get weaker over time, when the digital audio fails (which should never happen under normal circumstances), the analog backup audio is much quieter than the previous digital audio. So, you get a volume dropout that causes complaints.

Now, the only way to avoid the audio dropout is to adjust the strength of the analog reader so it outputs at the same level as the digital reader. Most people only have this done every six months as part of a preventative maintenance, so unless the PM was done within the past month, chances are the analog audio is already down 10dB or more.

Analog audio in today’s digital world is meant to be used as an all-else-fails backup. To force the audio from digital to analog is simply irresponsible. Also, the analog audio is a slightly different mix compared to the digital audio (Dolby SR compared to Dolby Digital 5.1/EX), so even under the best circumstances where the output levels match, there is still a noticeable difference to the audience.

Luckily, unlike the previous use of this method on Indiana Jones 4, theatres were sent a notice to warn them of this potential issue. I was able to EQ my analog readers to match the digital readers, so we didn’t get any complaints this weekend. However, I’m not going to bust my ass to keep the analogs balanced throughout our run of Madagascar 2, so I expect a few complaints later in the run.

The whole purpose of my 40 hour weekend is so that one of our projectors can be swapped out with a RealD projector, and I have to be here while the tech is in the building. Unfortunately, the tech hasn’t shown up and it’s too late in the day to get started, so since I’m stuck here until 1am, I have nothing to do but wait until we close.

Thirteen hours of my life down the drain for nothing. I’m not even sure that the tech is going to show up tomorrow, either, so I may be working another 13 hour shift for no reason!

And to top it all off, I now have to work on Monday – my day off – so the Rear Window Captioning and Descriptive Audio can be installed in theatre eight, because the DTS system is not compatible with the new projector.