Do you suffer from Fuckwaditis? Have you devoted several hours a day to pwning noobs? Do you frequently utter the phrases pwn, pwnage, pwning, noob(s), fag, or gaywad? Have you ever told your mom you are going to fucking kill her if she doesn’t get out of your goddamn room while you’re playing your game and you’ll eat dinner when you’re fucking ready and not when she tells you to come eat?

Hi. My name is Whesley, and unlike most of you, I’ve been inside a woman. A real woman. A human woman. Consensually. Didn’t pay for it. And she liked it. Many of you will never move out of your parents’ house, let alone feel what it’s like to have your penis in a woman’s vagina, but there’s hope.

You can still learn the essential communication skills and methods of personal hygiene necessary for a female to be interested in speaking to you. By speaking to you, she may even become interested enough to let you see her naked. In person. Maybe she’ll be interested enough to see you naked. Perhaps she’ll even touch your penis. With a little luck, she may even let you put your penis inside her.

Fuckwaditis is preventable and curable. If you think you may be suffering from Fuckwaditis, or are interested in preventing sudden onset of Fuckwaditis, simply follow these steps:

1. Learn to communicate and properly speak your native language – which if you are reading this is probably English.
2. Learn to shower. Shower at least every other day if not every day. Be sure to wash your hair, face, armpits, balls, feet, and ass. In that order. With both soap and water. If you’ve suffered from Fuckwaditis for more than a month, wash your ass at least twice and learn to wipe. The last thing a girl wants to see is skid marks and she definitely doesn’t want to smell your funky sack when it’s banging against her chin. Or nose if you plan on concurrently reciprocating.
3. Wear clean clothes. That includes changing your underwear every day. This might seem like much, especially if you follow step two and shower every day and you’ve learned to wipe, but let’s face it. Your balls get sweaty even without doing anything. What do you think absorbs that sweat? Your underwear is funky. Change it.
4. Learn some manners. Actually, learn most of them, and mind them. Be polite. This includes burping and farting. Excuse yourself. Learn to apologize and mean it when you do.
5. Learn that no means no. Otherwise, everything up to this point will make things worse for you in jail. They like your ass clean, too.
6. Finally, you don’t have to quit gaming. Just do so responsibly. It’s ok to shoot people in the face, just use a little more tact when gloating. And learn when to quit playing. Moderation is key.

If you follow these steps, you will effectively cure yourself or prevent an onset of Fuckwaditis. Your favorite past time event of pwning noobs has become poon and boobs.