A Tale of Two Sisters (장화,홍련)

• Title: 장화,홍련
• English Title: A Tale of Two Sisters
• Language: Korean
• Trailer: Here

Plot: When two sisters, Soo-mi and Soo-yeon, return home after spending time in a mental institution, they are coldly greeted by their stepmother and all but dismissed by their father. Strange things begin happening in the house, and Soo-mi begins to suspect the stepmother is abusing Soo-yeon. When Soo-mi confronts the stepmother, she is reminded of a previous meeting between them, and her reality begins to fall apart.

After I watched this movie, I was very surprised to find out that this movie was remade into The Uninvited, an American turd attempting to be as glamorous as its Asian counterpart.

A Tale of Two Sisters is a psychological horror masterpiece that kept me guessing all the way to the end. I had an idea of what was going on, but the final reveal was more than I was expecting. It’s not about ghosts and grudges; It’s about how the past can haunt you, and how trying to forget can make things worse.

If you have a chance to see this movie, I highly recommend that you do. And, by all means, avoid seeing the remake.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Every war has a beginning.

Plot: The prequel of the series, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans tells the story of the first Lycan half-breeds and the start of the war between Lycans and Vampires. Lycans were bred as slaves and day protectors of Vampires, until Lucian (Michael Sheen, Underworld), a well-trusted Lycan, leads a revolt against the Vampire captors. With the help of Sonja (Rhona Mitra, Doomsday), Vampire princess and daughter of Viktor (Bill Nighy, Underworld & Underworld 2), Lucian’s revolt against the Vampires becomes the start of the war between the two races.

When it comes down to it, Underworld 3 has simply retold a more detailed version of the story presented in Underworld. If you’ve seen Underworld, then you know the story of Underworld 3. TV spots, based on a single critic’s review, claim that Underworld 3 is the best of the series. I wouldn’t go that far. It would be more accurate to say “Underworld 3 is a movie in the Underworld series.” It was a great addition, but it wasn’t the best.

Underworld 3 had all of the elements of the previous movies: gore, violence, action, Vampires, Lycans, a sexy young Vampire in love with the enemy. Unfortunately, it was lacking something key that the previous two had: an original story. Since Underworld 3 is a prequel, you can almost forgive this flaw. However, it’s a prequel that you already know the exact story, since they told you the story in the first one! I think, given the extra detail you get from having an entire movie made from a story that comprised less than 10 minutes of Underworld, this can be forgiven, too.

The big problem I had with the movie was that I was bored, because I already knew what was going to happen. Maybe not exactly what was going to happen, but close enough to be left wanting. The action sequences were great, but – like most American action movies – the camera was too close to the action and it leaves you missing the big picture. Sure, you can see the arms flailing with hands holding swords, and yes, you can hear the contact of blade against blade, but what you’re missing is the flow of the action. Movement starts at the feet and legs, and extends through the torso and arms. Why don’t filmmakers let us see that? If you’re going to spend all the time and money on fight choreography, don’t you think you should show us what you paid for?

I think anyone that enjoyed the first two Underworld movies will enjoy this addition, but don’t go see Underworld 3 with expectations of seeing something new. It’s still Vampires fighting Lycans, and it’s still the same story, and you should expect as much. I enjoyed it, but as I’ve been told before (time and time again), I’m a sick son-of-a-bitch. Get some.

My Bloody Valentine 3D
Get your heart broken

I was very excited when we got our digital print in early enough on Wednesday to get it loaded up and cued for screening. I was even more excited when I started watching the movie, and the 3D was the best I have ever seen.

Plot: Ten years after the massacre that claimed the lives of several of his friends and classmates, Tom (Jensen Ackles, Supernatural) returns to his hometown to sell the family mine. Soon after his return, people begin dying – apparent victims of the murderous miner Harry Warden. Except Harry Warden has been dead for ten years. Tom becomes suspect number one, and the only one who believes that he is innocent is his former high school sweetheart, Sarah (Jaime King, Sin City), who is now married to the town sheriff, Axel (Kerr Smith, Dawson’s Creek). My Bloody Valentine 3D is a remake of the 1981 film.

You can view the trailer here.

While the story was total rubbish, no one is going to see a horror movie of this magnitude for the story. People are going so they can see the murder, gore, and thrills. My Bloody Valentine 3D has murder, gore and thrills in spades. However, don’t just watch My Bloody Valentine in 2D. To experience the full quality of this movie, you have to see the 3D version.

For those who say they don’t like 3D movies, or the experiences they have had with previous 3D films makes them never want to watch another one, you will not be disappointed by going to see this movie. I recommend calling ahead to your local theatre and asking if they use digital projection with RealD. If they do, GO SEE THIS MOVIE! The 3D is in full color, and uses special technology to present the 3D with full depth and clarity. Jump scenes, where things fly out at you, are really just that. They will make you jump. If you’ve never experienced a pick-axe to the face, now is your chance – and it’s really the only safe way to experience it.

Also, as a special note, if you notice that the movie looks better with the glasses upside down, inform someone from management that the polarity is reversed and projection should flip the polarity switch on the back of the RealD processor. It will save you the headache, and it will look a thousand times better.

The Unborn
Evil Will Do Anything to Live

I’m not going to add the trailer for this one, because I just want to do a quick review. You can see the trailer here if you really want to.

Now… As I was watching the trailer myself, I thought it was going to be another one of those teen horror movies that has no horror to it and really bad acting. Then, two things popped out at me. First, Gary Oldman was credited for the movie. Awesome. Then, David S. Goyer – the co-writer of The Dark Knight – was also credited as writer and director for this movie. Well, I really liked The Dark Knight, so how bad could the writing be for The Unborn? I decided to screen it.

I’m kicking myself for both reasons I rationalized watching this movie. I wish I could un-watch The Unborn.

Gary Oldman must have been high or drunk when he picked up this role, since he didn’t play much of a part in the movie. He’s a rabbi who is asked to perform an exorcism on a girl who is being haunted, not possessed, by a “demon” which was actually a human soul that was denied entrance to heaven so it turned evil. Wait. What?

And now that I look back on it, I really should have checked out what David S. Goyer had under his belt before TDK. As a writer, it would have appeared to be a promising story. However, most of Goyer’s best written movies are actually based on other written things. Blade was based on the comic character, Dark City was already well written (as well as well directed) by Alex Proyas, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight were both co-written and based on a comic character, and Jumper was based on a novel. As a director, Goyer is responsible for ZigZag, Blade: Trinity, and The Invisible. I never watched ZigZag, so I can’t say anything about it, but Blade: Trinity was the worst of the trilogy, and The Invisible was not good – which is partly because the story was not good either, but I think more could have been done by Goyer to make it work.

Overall, The Unborn gets annoying very quickly, both with it’s horrendous acting and crap jump-scare scenes. It was not a true horror movie, since it turned out to be one of those teen movies, and the story didn’t make sense if you thought about it for a second. However, most sheeple will see it and not think anything of the story, since they’re just there to see the teen horror part of the movie.

Also, someone should tell Meagan Good to stop doing horror movies. Actually, she should stop doing movies until she finds a character she’s good at playing. Her best roll was in Stomp the Yard as the love interest, but the movie was terrible so it doesn’t matter how good she was.

Saw V
You won't believe how it ends.

I put off writing this review, for the most part, to see if my opinion improved over time. It hasn’t.

Saw V stars Man A from Saw IV and Man B from Saw III and Saw IV. It doesn’t matter what their names are. It’s not relevant.

The Breakdown: [Semi Spoiler Free] Man A continues his part in the game from Saw IV and actually survives his impossible trap because of his ingenious idea. Man B saves the little girl missing from Saw IV and becomes the hero.

Man A suspects that Jigsaw had an accomplice, and sets out to find him. Using past case reports, Man A revisits previous games. Meanwhile, a new game has begun. The only game in the movie, and what a shit game it is.

Man B tracks Man A and, as if you couldn’t figure it out by now, it is revealed that Man B is the protege of Jigsaw.

The movie ends in a confrontation between Man A and Man B, and the single game in the movie also concludes.

You won’t believe how it ends. Bullshit. It doesn’t end.

The tag line for the movie is total crap considering, if you’ve seen the previous Saw movies, they always leave room for a sequel. It also doesn’t help that they announced production of Saw VI before Saw V came out.

Essentially, if you’ve seen the previous Saw movies, you’ve seen this one. You’re not missing much if you decide to skip this one.

Quarantine

It’s nice to have finally watched a good movie after all the I’ve had to sit through lately, and it’s even better that I’ve finally seen a good horror movie remake!

I had the privilege of watching [REC] a few months ago, and I have to admit that the idea of an English remake based on the same script (even if slightly modified for American audiences) seemed like a good idea. Now that I’ve seen Quarantine I can say that it was a great idea.

There are differences, other than language, that clearly show that remaking a movie for an American audience requires specific changes that, quite frankly, shouldn’t have to be made.

Most noteworthy changes in the English version, without spoiling any of the movie, include the dumbing down of dialogue, additional violent or gory scenes, and an unnecessary need to explain parts of the story that don’t require explanation. The language is much worse in Quarantine, additional cast was added and subsequently more people were killed, and the cause of the Quarantine was explained away instead of just leaving it a mystery. In my opinion, by offering an explanation for what was going on, some of the magic of [REC] was destroyed. However, seeing extra scenes of people getting killed in horrific ways almost completely made up for it.

All in all, it was the best horror movie remake I’ve ever seen, and it’s probably due in part to how good the original was to begin with and that it kept very close to the original. While I still think [REC] was the better movie, Quarantine did not disappoint me at all. I would recommend that anyone who hasn’t seen [REC] or Quarantine should see [REC] first and then watch Quarantine, but if you’ve already seen one, see the other! If you like horror movies, you won’t be disappointed.