In light of my already sack-deep political vibe on this site, I’ve decided to continue the anti-campaign for McCain-Palin. I don’t consider myself a Democrat, and I believe the two-party system is obsolete, but I’m definitely anti-Republican. To continue my anti-campaign for the McCain-Palin ticket, I present to you the following: Continue reading »

Oddly enough, I ended up on the Funny or Die website – which anyone who knows me knows that I hate Will Ferrell almost as much as I hate Julianne Moore – and FoD is a Will Ferrell brainchild. However, Judd Apatow is also – as of recently – a big contributor, and he shits gold, so his stuff cancels out the gay. So, while I was looking at the front page wondering to myself how I ended up elbow-deep in Will Ferrell’s pooper, I saw a ray of light as a video of Hayden Panettiere caught my eye.

What followed was nothing less than pure magic.

I have included the video below.

I don’t know about you, but I’m voting twice just because she told me to. And if you’re wondering how I’m planning on voting, just watch this next video.

I’m good at following instructions. Starting tomorrow, I begin my 3-pack a day cigarette habit. And I think I’m going to peruse the classifieds to find a really really old horse.

Proud American
It's about what binds us as Americans, not what separates us.

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I did not want to do a review of this movie, Proud American, mostly because it made me so angry I just wanted to forget about it.

Now, a week after seeing it, I realize that maybe I can save someone from sitting through it if I explained what this movie was. Thus, this movie review was written.

First off, forget everything you see in the trailer. It’s all crap. Now forget the “stunning cinematography” of the movie, since most of the movie looks like it was filmed on a set with a TV camera. Let’s jump right to the point of the movie:

While showing the nation’s spectacular landmarks and engineering marvels, historical sites and natural wonders, Proud American is really about the American people. The film will portray America as a land of opportunity, and tolerance. First seen through the eyes of new American citizens we hear why they came, how they came and what they appreciate most. Things many of us take for granted. Drama, spectacle, and humor are woven into a fast paced film, which delivers chills, actions, tears and warmth. Unlike any film ever made about America, it comes at a time when America needs it most. Uplifting, Powerful, Amazing, True.

- The Proud American official website

In reality, what you get is four true stories of personal success in America. Four sugar-coated, end-of-the-rainbow stories of “success” that are the least likely of all outcomes for each situation.

The point of the movie is to show that Americans are the most generous and caring people in the world. Anyone watching this movie would believe it’s true, but any American knows that it’s not. America is full of people who behave as any other human being in the world behaves: Like selfish, cold, calculating, manipulative, and devious survivalists. The truth is in the semantics. Anyone following the ideals of being an American is an American that this movie speaks of. Unfortunately, any citizen of the US is considered an American, and most of these citizens follow the survivalist principles. If the person can’t get something out of helping someone, then it’s just not worth it.

I believe myself to be one of the “proud Americans” that this movie speaks of, at least most of the time, but the larger picture is the truth of the matter: Not all Americans are generous, though they have the potential to be, and the true American that lives and breathes inside all Americans rarely makes an appearance.

The real truth is that the pride of a Proud American will always be the backseat driver to the greed of the Greedy American, and it’s sad.