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Sex Drive
UNRATED DVD

Have you ever bought the UNRATED version of a DVD, only to be disappointed that there was only 7 seconds of extra footage and the UNRATED part was the addition of an extra curse word in a scene that wasn’t needed?

I thought Sex Drive was going to be another one of those UNRATED “buy this DVD” promotion just to suck in extra sales, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that it’s not!

The unrated version boasts an extra 20 minutes of footage, and includes an introduction by director Sean Anders and producer John Morris – who also both co-wrote the screenplay – which warns viewers to watch the theatrical version of the movie before watching the unrated version. The unrated version contains outtakes that only fans of the theatrical version would enjoy, as well as a plethora of additional nudity – most of which is unnecessary and guarantees certain scenes are ruined – and dubbing of some audio to put some of the scenes over-the-top of traditional R-Rated films. Telling someone to fuck you (meaningless sex) is R-Rated. Telling someone to “sport-fuck” you is just over the top.

Do not consider this a review. I already reviewed Sex Drive here, and I enjoyed it. Seeing the unrated version is just a bonus for me. I can say, in my opinion, that people who liked the theatrical version – and I mean really liked it – will probably like the unrated version. You get more Seth Green, more Randy and Andy quotes, and more nudity than anyone should be comfortable with. The bonus: None of the extras matter! The movie is the same, the story is the same, the cast is the same (although you get to see some of the crew), and it ends the same way. You’re just more likely to get an extra laugh out of it.

Here’s an outtake which was added to the unrated version. I laughed my ass off.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

I had my choice as to which movie I was going to screen last night, and I had to choose from Nothing Like the Holidays, Delgo, and The Day the Earth Stood Still. I thought I was picking the shiniest turd in the toilet bowl, but I’m sure I was wrong now.

As great as an “end of the world” movie staring Keanu Reeves sounds, I was left more disappointed than I thought I would be.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a remake of the 1951 movie of the same name, which was based on the short story Farewell to the Master by Harry Bates. While I haven’t seen the 1951 version, I have read the short story. This modern version focuses less on the self-destructive nature of humans, and instead focuses on the destructive nature of mankind towards all other things – namely the environment and other life forms.

For being a main character, Keanu Reeves did not have much screen time. The story seemed to revolve mostly around Jennifer Connelly’s character Helen. While the acting in the movie left a lot to be desired, it was the CGI that really killed this movie.

The swarm that is seen in the trailer is a collective of insects that destroy and assimilate everything in its path. Unfortunately, they make it a point to repeatedly show you that it is a swarm of insects by zooming in on a few individuals, and the individual insects looked like crap. The spheres look like low-res cloud and fiber motion renderings that shoot god beams everywhere. They even used a CGI rendering of a Keanu stand-in to show the “birth” of Klaatu in his human body. Whatever happened to actors getting covered in slime to do a scene, instead of getting a virtual actor to get covered in slime in a CGI rendering of a scene?

I didn’t completely hate the movie. I just didn’t like the story, the acting, the effects, or the script. I thought the underlying plot was good. The execution was lacking, but that can be blamed on all of the things I already mentioned. The movie felt like a CGI laden version of The Happening, which made it bad.

It looks like Boost Mobile is continuing its trend of shit commercials that annoy the hell out of me. This time, they’ve chosen to change it up and offer a duo of commercials starring Georgie, a play on George Washington and the dollar bill. Now, instead of Boost Mobile being the hip choice, Boost Mobile is selling itself as the cheap choice in cellular service.

The only positive thing I can say about the new ad campaign is that they seem to have dropped the Where You At? slogan. At least for now.

Everything else I can say is negative. I watched a behind-the-scenes video on the Georgie ad campaign and I was not impressed. You can’t have George Washington spew slang to push the great value of a dollar in the new pricing plans and expect to sell me on it. To start, Georgie sounds mentally challenged. He’s trying to rap, but he sounds like a douche trying to make himself seem more important than he actually is. To top it off, these commercials play as often as any other Boost Mobile commercial has ever played, so it repeatedly violates my eardrums. I have to wonder how much money Boost Mobile is pushing into these ad campaigns and what the return rate is.

Here’s an analogy for you: Georgie is to George Washington as Kanye West is to Elvis Presley.

If I only had $30 each month to spend on a cell phone and Boost Mobile was the only provider with a plan I could afford, I would only have a cell phone every other month because I would use two months of cell phone savings to pay for a single month of another provider.

I just realized something. Boost Mobile is abbreviated BM. So is bowel movement. That’s pure summary right there.

Role Models
Danny and Wheeler were just sentenced to 150 hours mentoring kids.
Worst idea ever.

This is going to be a rather short review, as I have to leave for work in a few minutes, but I wanted to get this written.

I wanted to see Role Models after I watched the red band trailer, and now – having seen the movie – I can say that it wasn’t as funny as I expected, but it was definitely funny.

The teaming of Seann William Scott and Paul Rudd was perfect, and the choice for the kids was great, but the movie seemed like a comedic drama instead of a comedy. It had all of the base ingredients of a Judd Apatow comedy, but the recipe wasn’t quite right. It just proves that you can imitate, but you can’t replicate.

So, here’s the quick summary: Danny (Paul) and Wheeler (Seann) work for an energy drink company, promoting their energy drink at schools while telling kids to stay off of drugs. An incident forces the two into 150 hours of community service, to be carried out at Sturdy Wings – a Big Brother / Big Sister type organization. Each is assigned a very special kid with their own special problems, and hijinx ensue.

Overall, I would watch the movie again, but I don’t think I missed anything from the first viewing, so I don’t expect any extra laughs.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

To go along with my review of this awesome movie, I’ve decided to post the Red Band trailer and the ORIGINAL poster that the MPAA did not approve for US audiences.

As I’ve already stated, Zack and Miri Make a Porno was absolutely fantastic. I would say it’s my favorite Kevin Smith movie so far. I laughed the entire time, and there’s no question as to why.

The Twa- Uh… I mean Plot: [Spoiler Free] Zack (Seth Rogen, Pineapple Express) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks, Definitely, Maybe) are life-long friends and roommates that are having difficulty paying their bills. When the water gets shut off and their power gets turned off shortly after, they head to the bar to brainstorm. The idea was born that they would make a porno, and they promise each other to remain just friends no matter what goes on between them.

The movie is, in Kevin Smith tradition, very well written and directed, but it’s the cast really makes this movie outstandingly funny.

• Seth Rogen brings his natural humorous flair in full force for his part as Zack, reprising his roll as slacker but all around nice guy.
• Elizabeth Banks provides the sexy awkwardness to Miri’s chemistry with Zack, and combined with her dynamite performance in granny panties, she brings the laughs as well.
• Craig Robinson kills as Delaney, delivering a totally believable apathetic attitude towards his humdrum life.
• Jason Mewes delivers his lines as if he is still playing Jay, which is perfect. By the way, his character’s full name is Lester the Molester Cockenstuff.
• Jeff Anderson brings the goods as Deacon, the “doin’ shit to get laid” camera man. He doesn’t have too much of a comedic part until he gets frosted. You’ll see.
• Traci Lords is Bubbles. Bubbles does bachelor parties, and has a special trick to show you.
• Katie Morgan has a squeaky voice, giant fake yabos, and a healthy sense of humor. As Stacey, she’s an airhead that, oddly enough, wants to bang Zack off camera.
• Ricky Mabe plays the creepy funny guy, Barry. Barry pairs up with Bubbles for the porno. Yeah.
• Justin Long, last but not least, plays the funniest character in the movie as Brandon. Brandon does porn professionally. Gay porn.

I think it’s time for me to wrap this up. I’m waiting for a phone call that says I’m Oprah rich.

Saw V
You won't believe how it ends.

I put off writing this review, for the most part, to see if my opinion improved over time. It hasn’t.

Saw V stars Man A from Saw IV and Man B from Saw III and Saw IV. It doesn’t matter what their names are. It’s not relevant.

The Breakdown: [Semi Spoiler Free] Man A continues his part in the game from Saw IV and actually survives his impossible trap because of his ingenious idea. Man B saves the little girl missing from Saw IV and becomes the hero.

Man A suspects that Jigsaw had an accomplice, and sets out to find him. Using past case reports, Man A revisits previous games. Meanwhile, a new game has begun. The only game in the movie, and what a shit game it is.

Man B tracks Man A and, as if you couldn’t figure it out by now, it is revealed that Man B is the protege of Jigsaw.

The movie ends in a confrontation between Man A and Man B, and the single game in the movie also concludes.

You won’t believe how it ends. Bullshit. It doesn’t end.

The tag line for the movie is total crap considering, if you’ve seen the previous Saw movies, they always leave room for a sequel. It also doesn’t help that they announced production of Saw VI before Saw V came out.

Essentially, if you’ve seen the previous Saw movies, you’ve seen this one. You’re not missing much if you decide to skip this one.

Sex Drive
He's Leaving Virgin Territory

My first impression going in to Sex Drive was that, while it had potential, it was most likely going to be just another teen sex movie à la American Pie and Road Trip. As it turns out, I was pleasantly surprised.

The trailer introduces you to Ian (Josh Zuckerman, Feast) – the geeky virgin, Lance (Clark Duke, Greek) – the suave ladies’ man, and Rex (James Marsden, X-Men) – the jock older brother. Felicia (Amanda Crew, 15/Love) makes a brief appearance in the trailer, but is a big part of the movie – playing Ian’s BFF and unobtainable love interest. Oh yeah. And Seth Green (Robot Chicken) has a minor part as Ezekiel – the sarcastic Amish guy – but who wants to see Seth Green anyway?

The Summary: [Spoiler Free] Ian meets a girl online who says she wants to have sex with him. Lance tells Ian that he would be stupid not to make the trip to have sex with the girl, while his brother Rex thinks Ian is an idiot because he thinks “Ms. Tasty” is probably a guy. Ian and Lance plot to “borrow” Rex’s ’69 GTO Judge while Rex is gone for the weekend, but Ian has forgotten that Felicia is supposed to spend the weekend at his house, so she ends up tagging along – not knowing the truth behind the road trip. Ian is uncomfortable because he likes Felicia, but Felicia likes Lance, but Lance is totally oblivious to this and continues flaunting his promiscuity. Rex finds out that his car was taken and goes after Ian. The car breaks down in Amish territory, and Ezekiel proves to have the skill to fix the car – for a price. Or not. He’s a sarcastic guy. Fun and adventure is had by all.

There are several one-liners in the movie, most of which come via Seth Green, but the majority of the comedy comes from the situations in the movie. I recommend, if you have a dirty mind, that you should go see Sex Drive. It is, to me and most other people I’ve talked to who have also seen it, the funniest movie since Superbad.

And please remember, if someone asks you if you if you’d like a rolling brown-out, JUST SAY NO!

The geniuses at FrighteningProspect.com have created an awesome wheat-pasting campaign poster, which highlights the hubris of Sarah Palin in stunning fashion.

VOTE
frighteningprospect.com

As if the amazing poster wasn’t enough, the following video shows the humor of the bad decision made by McCain to nominate Palin as his VP running mate. It’s not that it was a bad decision to nominate a woman, but that it was a bad decision to nominate that woman. If you consider the speculation that Palin’s nomination was strictly a sexist attempt to pander to women voters, it makes it all the more funny. This video is brought to you by OneHottMess.com. Enjoy.

And last, but certainly not least, the following video is via MiniMovie.com, and is an amazing editing job depicting a dance-off between Obama and McCain. Pure Awesome.